A Letter to Parents During This Time Of Uncertainty

To all of the parents who like me who are feeling the very real fear and stress of their kids bearing down on their shoulders – let’s talk about how we can help ease the hearts and spirits of our families. There are several things we can and should be doing and saying during this crazy time. Covid-19 is hitting us at a time that is so incredibly different than any other time. Our kids are saturated in social media, they are self consumed, they struggle with coping through even simple daily frustrations (let alone something major like the coronavirus), but worse of all our kids don’t have hope.

Let me start off by stating, I am a woman of faith and greatly believe this is a time to cover our children in prayer. Pray for them to have the ability to cope through this stressful and scary time. Pray for them to have a deep inner hope in God. Pray that you will have the patience to deal with them in this time of quarantine haha. It’s funny but I am totally serious. It is an adjustment for us as parents as well. We have become accustom to our insanely busy lifestyles. We have forgotten the importance (as well as the work it takes) to put energy into family meal times, family game nights, family movie nights, family Bible studies and so forth. Pray for the strength, energy and patience to bring these important concepts back into your family.

Create a schedule/routine. Kids thrive on structure. My 7 year old has several learning and behavior disabilities and when he is home he typically bouncing off the walls! But somehow when he is at school he is incredibly well behaved, focused and capable of following directions. The difference…at school there is a routine, there is structure, he knows what is expected and what is going to happen next. My teenagers and my 3 year old are honestly not much different, they NEED structure and routine to feel secure.

Here is a little example of what I am doing for my preteens and teenagers during our transition to online schooling, quarantine and separation from social activities and sports. First, I have set a rule that the kids need to be up and out of their rooms no later than 10 am. I personally don’t mind letting them sleep in right now, I think the sleep is actually very healthy at this age. They each have a calendar with a list of chores to do around the house, a conditioning/workout list to do to stay fit and active and each older child is scheduled for one night a week to make dinner. This calendar is posted in our kitchen for everyone to see so they can be help accountable. My children are not allowed to have any screen time, or call any friends until these things are done. This is a huge adjustment as the kids really feel like their phones are their right and since we can’t go anywhere there is no reason why they need to do these things on a schedule. I explained it to my kids this way, first we need to maintain some sort of schedule and normalcy to our daily routines, secondly, I need them to do their part of the chores and routine in order for me to do my part. For instance, I need whoever is in charge of folding and putting away laundry for the day to get that done in the morning, so that I can have the baskets to run new loads of laundry in the afternoon. I need whoever is in charge of doing the dishes to unload and load the dishwasher in the morning so that throughout the day we can all help out by putting our dishes in the dishwasher and keep the counters and sink cleared out so I can cook meals throughout the day. If they do their part in the morning I can do my part, and there is less work for everyone in the long run.

Give your kids hope and a way to cope with their emotions. There are a lot of different ways to go about this, and every family is so different. I recommend creating inner family friendships. Play games your kids enjoy together, let loose and be silly with them, begin a family worship or Bible study time. Perhaps, create a rewards system appropriate to their ages. For my younger kids I have created a fun Candyland type rewards chart that they get to move across for good behavior, reading, taking their nap/quiet times, and so forth. Along the path of the chart there are several small rewards, at the end there is a large reward. For my older kids I have decided to give them their style of rewards, when they successfully complete their daily tasks they get full use of their phones, xbox and tv. If they complete the week without argument or complaining, I will give them either a “cash reward”, these vary as sometimes it is a trip to the gas station to get a treat, or the ability to get something off Amazon, or even just cold hard cash to put away.

However, I can tell you that by providing your kids with something to look forward to when everything around them seems to be falling apart is vital in helping them cope with fears and to feel a since of hope!

Something to keep in mind while the ponder how to help our families and kids through this time. The last time there was a pandemic of this magnitude was in the early 1900’s, when that happened the family structure was incredibly different. The WHOLE family farmed, worked and schooled together. They had insanely close bonds and had each other to lean on. They were not separated by social media, technology, or over scheduling. In short, the young people had coping skills, hope and close family networking to rely on.

Let this abrasive push to quarantine be a blessing to our homes. Embrace it’s nudge towards slowing down and reconnecting with out families. Trust that God has a plan and is ultimately in control. God bless you and your family!