5 Tips to a Successful LASTING Marriage

First of all, let me tell you I am not a professional counselor, psychologist or an “expert” of any sort. I am simply a journalist, a wife and a woman who has been witness to several both good and bad marriages. I am a victim of a broken home. A daughter to two sets of parents who have both had multiple marriages. The daughter in law to a family who has had essentially NO divorce (as far back as I know) and a wife to my amazing husband of 15 years (20 years exclusively together).

Together my husband and I have 4 beautiful children and have endured many extremely difficult trials through our marriage. There have so many times where it would have been easier for us to give up, rather than to fight for our marriage and stay together. I have even had friends and family recommend I walk away during certain trials. But I knew I still loved my husband no matter how hard it was at the time and I stayed. Some of these trials felt nearly unbearable. We have suffered through bankruptcy, addiction, 3 miscarriages, postpartum depression, religious inequalities and so much more. These challenges often times felt like the end, but they weren’t. We made it through them to the other side and became stronger because of them.

Through all of my experiences both good and bad I have learned a great deal about marriage. But the biggest most important thing I have learned from both my own experiences and from those around me, is that marriage is hard. It takes work, a lot of work. It takes fight which sometimes will even result in pain.

I feel as though our society has become lazy and for lack of a better word they have become quitters. If you look around people don’t want to put in the hard work. When you say “I do” you are saying “I do forever”. That means even when you are getting on each others nerves, disagree on major issues or even become unattractive to each other physically, you are vowing to endure through it all together- FOREVER.

So with that said let’s talk about what you can do to help your marriage not only be successful for a time, but last for the long haul.

1. Take out the boxing gloves: I know it sounds bad, but you really do have to be willing to fight for your marriage. There are going to be disagreements. You will not always see eye to eye. You both with do things that annoy each other to the very last nerve. But non of those excuses are good reasons to give up on your marriage. You need to get your boxing gloves out and be willing to address the issues with your husband/wife. Talk it out. It may not be fun, but it is necessary. When my husband and I were first married we agreed we would try to never go to bed angry with each other. That means, if there is an issue that is really bothering us, we have to stop what we are doing and talk it out. Yes that sometimes means screaming, but it is worth it in the end. Always, ALWAYS we find a way to reach some sort of agreement, apologize and then move on. When we finally move on we are actually stronger in our relationship then before. We have made it over a tough hill and now are ready to face the next challenge stronger and more in love.
2. Spice it up: Whether you have been married for 5 years or 50  years, have no kids or 10 kids – it doesn’t matter! You need to spice it up. Keep each other interested. This doesn’t mean changing who you are, but come on ladies every once in a while, put on some make-up, wear a nice red dress (red is great for getting a mans attention) and take your husband out on a date. You can even go as far as picking up a nice little nighty or some lingerie for your grand finale. Remember your husband is still a man and has needs. Why not have fun with it together and keep each other “interested”.
3. Go beyond Sex:  I have always said that my husband and I have something way more than a “spousal” relationship. We dated for over 4 years (all through high school) and remained abstinent. This means we really built our relationship on much more than simple “desires” alone. We were (and are) best friends. Sex is important to marriage, but it is not the only thing. If you build you marriage on sexual desires alone you are bound to lose them eventually. Let’s be realistic, everyone gets older, gains weight, your looks will fade… it’s part of growing old together. But your love for each other has to be much stronger than just physical attraction if you want your marriage to last. You need to be more than just husband and wife, you need to be best friends, soulmates, each others better half – then add in the sex and it’ll make everything just that much better!
4. Trust, Honesty and Communication: I feel like these are just givens. You need to obviously be able to trust your husband/wife, undoubtedly no matter what. In order to trust your spouse you will need to be honest with each other. Which means you will have to communicate well. Tell each other your goals, dreams, fears, pet peeves – share it all. You will be spending rest of your life together you might as well know each other inside and out. Really KNOWING your spouse leads to better trust, which is really so incredibly important!
5. Live Selfless. A marriage is not all about you. In reality it’s really all about your partner. If you both live selflessly and put the others needs before your own, your marriage will be much stronger. A selfless person is willing to have patience for their spouse, regardless of how hard it is on them. A selfish person will look at their own, wants, needs and desires and put them before their spouses. Thus often times leading to infidelity, and deep unhappiness. Focus on your spouse, on their wants, needs and dreams. This will lead you to a much deeper happiness and a long lasting marriage.

Please remember, no two marriages are exactly alike. No one is perfect. However, your marriage is and always will be worth fighting for. Find strong couples to hang out with and enjoy fellowshipping with other married couples who have the same long lasting marriage goals as you. Another suggestion I have for you ladies….try very hard to not complain about your husband to your friends or family, I promise it will only make things worse. Your friends and family will always be there to support you, but you don’t want to turn them against your husband! Try and remember that although times may be tough right now, you can and will get through it, and when you do, you don’t want your friends and family still holding resentment against your husband.