6 Tips to Stop Yelling at Your Kids

Why do we (parents) scream at our kids? Why do we think it will make a difference? I ask myself this nearly everyday! It seems nearly everyday I find myself becoming irritated, overwhelmed and fed up – which then results in me yelling at my kids. It is so sad. Sometimes I feel as though it is more that they got caught in the crossfire of my emotions and stresses of my day, rather than that they did anything that bad.

I am sure I am not the only parent that has experienced this. In fact you have probably been there: your child says or does something that just pushes your buttons perfect -the next thing you know, you’re screaming at the top of your lungs as your kids. The worst part is afterwards you don’t just feel drained you feel sad, frustrated and angry with yourself for taking your anger out on your kids (or at least this is how I feel).

But the true question is “Why do we (parents) yell at our kids? Why do we think it will make a difference? Why do we expect our kids to treat each other and others with respect and not to yell, however we are unable to control ourselves? These are all questions I seriously ask DAILY!  I watch the other mom’s on TV and out in public that are able to speak so calmly and quietly to their kids. I know it is not because their kids are perfect or don’t push their  buttons (because they are kids and human…they are sinful by nature). Honestly I think it is because these mom’s made a conscience decision to not raise their voice at their kids and has put years of practice into it.

So with that thought, the question arises – How do I as a pre-existing “yeller” make the transition? How do I change my response/habit? How do I become the parent I really want to be?

I read somewhere a while back the harmful effects of yelling at your kids. I cannot remember the exact facts but I can remember how dearly it touched my heart. I don’t want my kids growing up thinking that yelling at each other is how you get your point across. I don’t want them growing up thinking back on their childhood and remembering how mom always screamed.

It’s time to make a change! As parents we are not perfect! We can learn from our mistakes and we can change!

First let’s identify the triggers…

• Letting incidents with their child’s behavior pile up.
• Allowing situations throughout the day build up until the smallest trigger causes an explosion.
• We allow kids to take advantage of us. Repeating commands (clean your room, pick up your toys, do your homework) with empty threats.
• Inconsistency in parenting or exceptions.
• React/yell before thinking or even breathing.

Tips for for making a change …

1. Prepare yourself for the day. Ok this may sounds silly, but seriously wake up and prepare yourself, your heart and your mood for the day. This is probably the hardest thing for me as I struggle to get up before my kids (I am a night owl).  However I wills say that when I do take the time to prepare my own heart and mood first I am much more willing and able to have patience with my kids.
2. Don’t repeat yourself. If you tell your kids to clean their room, be prepared to make them obey. If they do not follow your request- punish them. Do not repeat yourself, simply be prepared with a punishment. If you say to pick up the toys in the living room and they choose to continue playing. Before you lose your cool, follow through with a punishment. After their punishment, now repeat the request. Be prepared for this to happen many times before your kids realize that you mean what you say. It will be hard at first – however it will be worth the patience on  your part.  
3. Be consistent. Always follow through. If you want well-behaved kids who are respectful, hard-working, obedient and kind, it will take some effort on your part. Your kids need to know that when you ask them to do something you mean it and if they do not obey immediately there are consequences.Still boiling over?
4. Don’t forget to breath! Take a break. Go to you room. Take a deep breath and count to ten. Seriously don’t deal with stressful situations while your blood is boiling over! This is HUGE! Sometimes I get just so frustrated I have to send both my kids and myself each to our rooms. After we have separated and I have had time to evaluate the situation, I can come back and deal with the consequences. (Without screaming!)
5. Get down to their level. Even when yelling it seems the kids still do not “hear” us. That is because they have become acclimated to the yelling and have learned to tune you out! So to address this issue – get down to your child’s level. Look them directly in the eye face to face and require them to really listen to you. Speak to them in a quite yet stern tone. When you are done giving instructions, corrections or commands, require your kids to reply with “yes mom” (“yes dad”, “yes mam” “yes sir” and so on).
6. Be accountable to others. Express to a close friend or family member your desire to yell less.  Ask them to help you be accountable for your actions. But even more importantly share your heart with your kids. Tell them you are sorry for your recent behaviors and that you have not been the parent you want to be. Express your desire to have them help you. Let them know that you  have a new system you want to try and that you will be expecting them to be better listeners or they will be disciplined much more often.  

Now I think it is important to say – I am not perfect! I have not mastered the “no yelling” thing yet. However I have noticed it is getting easier and easier the more I apply these steps to my daily life. I want to enjoy my life as a mom…it was after all my biggest goal in life and my biggest accomplishment!